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May 7, 2013

Ex Factor: Should you sleep with an ex?

There you are, chilling in on a Saturday night. Flipping through the sports channel watching old replays before settling for a collection from your DVD guy. It would not be so bad except you have an itch, a sexual itch -that is in need of scratching. Currently, you have no real prospects on the horizon since your last break up and navigating solo waters can get trickier and lonely, considering a relationship ending does not mean your libido stops. Desperation ensues and your mind wanders off. The dilemma is that, you start obsessing about your ex (you kept friends) as a booty call.


Sleeping with an ex is a recurring trend in most broken relationships. It's only natural that we human beings always want to return to what is familiar. It's hustle free. Like ordering take-out. After all, how often do you hear someone say, "you might be over your ex but not the sex," or "just because your relationship didn't work out doesn't mean you can't still get off." As easy as it may sound, is it a brand idea? Well, the last thing you need is for things to get messy. But how do you avoid an emotional disaster when cornered with the crisis of sleeping with an ex?

By conducting a little self-fidelity, you weigh your grounds. Consider minding the following:
1. I'm i stuck emotionally?
2. Are my motives purely physical or there is something more?
3. Is my ex trying to use sex as a way of restoring the relationship?
4. Will i be repeating the same pattern of the past with him/her by opening up the sexual door?
5. How will sleeping with my ex make me feel, and will it cause emotional pain?
6. Will having sex with him/her help me to create a sense of closure or a misguided sense of connection?
7. Will i be betraying any promises made to myself by allowing him/her into my life again, if even in a sexual capacity?
8. Before having sex, are you willing to reestablish safe sex practices considering the time elapsed since your separation?
9. Are you prepared mentally for the eventuality if they have moved on to their next partner?
10. What if they never call back, shamefaced you realize you were just some booty call and nothing more?  

Reality check. Never fool yourself that sex is simply sex and nothing more, the act of sex is a ticking bomb of many emotions waiting to go off. And in this confused moment, the need for sex can be a clever cover for a need of an emotional reconnect with another human being. If the sex was good, which means deep emotional connection, you may wonder why you broke up in the first place and due to these emotions, it is easy to start the "come here/go away" game, it may feel nice at first and a few more nights of carnal abuse to mess up your world. As tempting as it can be, do whatever it takes to focus on the "reasons why" your relationship ended in the first place and stick to your guns.

The verdict
Keeping an ex as a friend is hard enough and it's not worth it to jeopardize a good memory on something like a hook-up. Hook-ups tend to mess your relationship a lot more, and it can also hold you back from getting involved with other new and more meaningful relationships. And if you have to be friends, try not to think of them as moving sex toys too. Leave that door closed. Don't sacrifice your self-worth satisfying an urge, it is never worth it.

Has this article been helpful to you in any way?


Dennis Kimathi said...

I totally agree with you. it is not a road worth of treading. from past experience i can bear you witness that it brought me a false sense of reconnection and eventually the relationship crumbled in almost identical circumstances as in the first place.

Warda Jebet said...

Nothing good comes out of a past expiry thing. Jumping back in the sack not only drains but also messy beyond repair. Sorry you had to go through it. At times, we learn certain things the hard way. Though i must admit a few people make it but i doubt the level of trust and sincerity in mended relationships. Something will keep cropping up!

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